It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I had been cooking big for far too many days. I was ready and anxious to get out and enjoy a great meal prepared by someone other than myself. It was time for the second Food Snobs review.

The Mister and I were looking for a place that was farm to table, or there about, that we had never been to. I had heard some ramblings about Joinery in Newmarket, NH and we had been intending to go for quite some time. So Joinery it was.

Newmarket is a charming little town. The stone and brick abound. With the snow and the stone and twinkling lights we were set up for a lovely evening.

It feels like a place that should be full of sweet finds and hidden gems. The brick crosswalks are charming.

Walking up to Joinery was leaving us very excited. Just look at this building. Really great stuff should reside behind these walls.

We were seated quickly in the far back corner of the room. A place I don’t usually mind. We like to be tucked away in the corner where we are free to chat and laugh and feel a bit to ourselves. Many of these spaces can be very enchanting and romantic.

Not so much this time. But bring some great drinks and we will quickly forget all about it.

Dolce y Picante and Cider Sangria

I adore a good margarita. But don’t you dare give me “sour mix”, that florescent stuff in a cheap plastic bottle. I expect my margarita to have nothing but simple, pure ingredients. Lime from a squeeze bottle with added nonsense won’t cut it either.

These drinks were wonderful. Skillfully prepared, the Dolce (margarita) with pineapple and cilantro was delicious. I would pay the $12 for a second one. The Mister isn’t really a drinker…. okay, he is NOT a drinker. On the rare occasion he gets a single drink we both expect it to be on point. Or I’m walking out with an extra drink in my belly I didn’t really want and probably didn’t need. I mean, why be wasteful? Unless it’s really bad. I digress. The drinks were very good. Things were looking up.

We always look over the menu prior to choosing our next dining experience. We didn’t call this Food Snobs as a joke. We need to know we are going to get real food. This menu looks exactly like the kind of stuff we expect.

Horseradish Beets

I started with the Horseradish Beets. Two of my favorite things. Okay, I have a lot of “favorite things”. So it shouldn’t be hard to please me, right?……

Well, these sort of did.
My first reaction from my first bite was that I had hoped they would be warm or room temperature, but they were very cold. Okay, that may not be so bad had they had a bit of salt on them. Or tasted ANYTHING like horseradish. They had very little flavor at all.

This was the moment that I discovered that not only was the table free of any type of adornment, a candle, a flower, anything, it was also free of salt and pepper. I’m not the person who needs to cover every meal with an over generous amount of salt, but as a cook, I know the power just a bit of salt can have over a dish. I wish I had just a smidge for these beets.

This was my view for the evening. We did get this lovely bottle of water…..

With this hard water ring around the top that left me wondering when, or if these had ever been properly washed. I stuck to the margarita.

The Mister chose the Kimchi Fries, which was great because I really wanted them too.

Kimchi Fries

Well, the kimchi was really good. But the fries on the other hand.

The fries were soggy on the outside, and not exactly from the kimchi, and very starchy on the inside. These definitely were not properly fried.

The aioli was really good, but not good enough for us to finish the fries.

So, now the little things are really starting to stand out. Like the dirt and dust and smudge marks all over the one thing, other than the mister and the plates of uneaten food, in my line of sight.

Okay, but the fish stew has to be outstanding. I’m sure of it.

Fish Stew

At first glance I was confused. That was not my usual idea of fish stew, but I love trying new things and I was ready to dig in. I mean, fish and mussels and oysters. But wait. Scroll back up there and read the description for Fish Stew. Yup, it says oysters, right?

I did not get a single oyster. And how many mussels do you count? 2, maybe 3 ounces of fish. For $27. Now, I am not cheap. I will gladly pay more than $27 for a bowl of fish stew. And I have. Lots. But what I got was a bowl of potatoes. In an okay broth.

Grilled Pork Chop

Let’s start with the description.
GRILLED pork chop with bourbon bbq glaze, cornbread, ham braised collards, & grilled sweet potatoes.

This was the Misters dish. And I am not sure exactly where to go from here. So, I guess we will start at the beginning. The GRILLED pork chop.

This, my friends, is not grilled. It is probably broiled, pre-broiled, and then thrown on the gas fired grill for what looks like a second or two.

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I hear bourbon barbecue glaze I’m dreaming about a sticky, sweet, rich coating. This, this was a bottle of what could have been something you picked up at Walmart squirted on at the end as an after thought. Or a mask. A very poor, gross, wet mask.

And those collards? Ham braised? Do you mean pork hooves? Because the collards were nothing but bitter and something that may have been vinegar. The collards were inedible.

But the cornbread, that was actually the worst part of the dish. First, you couldn’t quite get a hold of it to really eat it. The moment you touched it with a fork or fingers, as I tried, it disintegrated. Like dust. After a couple of tries I was able to pinch up a bit, but I wish I hadn’t. Because I quickly discovered what that sour, disgusted face the Mister was wearing was all about. The cornbread was bitter, dry, and even more inedible than the collards. How is that even possible?

I nearly forgot about the sweet potatoes. They too, were inedible. I’m not exactly sure how you make a sweet potato taste like propane and cardboard, but they succeeded. There wasn’t even a hint of salt or seasoning. Unless you count propane.

At this point we paid our hundred dollar tab and got out of there as fast as we could.

We both really wanted to bring something delectable to Food Snobs. Today wasn’t the day.

The entire way home, and I mean the entire 33 miles, we just kept saying how absolutely disappointed we were. How terrible the food and the service and the atmosphere were.

Our waitresses, yes, there were 2 that came to our table, seemed bored, uninterested, would barely look us in the eye and just felt sullen or disengaged. It was just an overall poor experience.

☆ I give Joinery a half of a single star

☆ The Mister also gives Joinery a half of a single star

If you want to give Joinery a try you can find them at: 

55 Main St., #216
Newmarket, NH